Never did a blog before, despite all my years of BBSing and the thousands of posts I have written in the past 24 years, but it`s never too late to start. Found it difficult to find a catchy name for the blog, but since I have been called the Crazy Cat Lady for quite some time now by many people (even those I don`t even know me very well!), it seemed appropriate to put that in the title. The cravings part, well, as most of you know, I crave a lot of things, sanity being the most important these days, so there ya go - blog number one has been born.
Have always wondered if I am totally sane, or sitting on the edge of insanity, as it seems, and as I get closer to 40 (18 days and counting), this pondering is becoming more and more important. Whether you all know it or not, I have been battling depression and certain other unmentionables for a lifetime now (or so it seems) and writing about it has helped me deal with it in a much better light. Of course the psychiatrist and the anti-depressant medication helps a little too, but being self-aware is a very large part of it, and of late, I have become very aware of my crazy musings, cravings and whatnot, whereas previously, I was quite in denial and hiding behind a wall of stress and shame. Now I don`t care who knows, or who cares, for that matter, hence the blog. It all ties in somehow, and you can keep reading to see what else Ì`m going to say or you can skip this and pass it off as the musings of a maniac (that name was taken too, as was diary of a depressive) and read some clever blogging of a sane, popular and beautiful person, who thinks they are aware of their attributes, but who really is hiding behind a wall of shame and a computer monitor. Your choice.
As for me, I`m going to continue digging deep into my psyche and try and discover why I feel like I do most of the time, and what the hell to do about it. Join me on my quest, or not. Maybe you`re craving sanity too, are afraid to talk about your feelings, and would rather hide behind your computer monitor, pretending to be sane, popular and beautiful like the rest of them, terrified that someone is going to figure it out one day - believe me, I have felt like that most of my life, that someone is going to figure out that I`m not really who I claim to be, and take me out of the general population, or worse, expose me to the sane, popular and beautiful people as a fraud, and then cast me out of society. Well, tough luck, guys, cause I`m exposing myself for you, like it or not, as I am no longer ashamed to feel the way I do, and as my psychiatrist has told me, it does not really matter what «they» think of me, only what I think of myself. And to be honest, I kinda like my cravings: my craving to keep taking in animals even though we are already overloaded with poor lost souls in our little bungalow, my craving for so many different kinds of music that you never know whats coming up next on my car stereo, my craving for jaunting around in my car to unknown places in Eastern Ontario, looking for cheap gas, my craving for any kind of food that comes from some far away place, my craving for a really good bonfire that almost burns down our neighborhood... and my craving to take care of everybody and everything besides myself.
`Nuff said. For now, anyways.
